It's been kind of a crummy day. I'm not going to lie to you. I woke up tired. And my mood went downhill from here. I was snappy with the kids, distant from Matt and just downright ugly. It wasn't until tonight when the house is quiet and everyone else is asleep that I finally got my attitude adjustment.
I struggle with wanting so badly for life to be easy and pretty and rosy all the time. I want my words to always be gentle; for wisdom and creativity to be my constant companions. I want to be diligent in my work as a homemaker and be all that my family needs me to be. For years I have put pressure on myself to be a certain way (i.e. perfect), and then I carried around the disappointment and shame for not meeting up to my own (unrealistic) standards.
It wasn't until this past year when my eyes were opened to the self-destructive path I was on (and still struggle with) that I realized what I was doing to myself and the people around me. I was rejecting grace and withholding it from myself and others. Instead of receiving the (free) gift of grace that covers my short comings, I beat myself up for even needing it in the first place.
Kind of ridiculous, right?
As we are settling into our new lives here in Charleston, I am finding myself in need of a lot of grace. Selfishness, pride, arrogance can quickly change me from an encourager and servant, to a mean Momma who pitches fits like a two year old.
I'm so thankful for my husband and children who love me on the good and bad days.
But even more, I am so thankful for a God who is faithful, and for Jesus who loves me because He is love. I am filled with hope and excitement because I believe with all my heart that God is doing something great here in our lives in Charleston. I have so much to learn and experience and give.
I struggle with wanting so badly for life to be easy and pretty and rosy all the time. I want my words to always be gentle; for wisdom and creativity to be my constant companions. I want to be diligent in my work as a homemaker and be all that my family needs me to be. For years I have put pressure on myself to be a certain way (i.e. perfect), and then I carried around the disappointment and shame for not meeting up to my own (unrealistic) standards.
It wasn't until this past year when my eyes were opened to the self-destructive path I was on (and still struggle with) that I realized what I was doing to myself and the people around me. I was rejecting grace and withholding it from myself and others. Instead of receiving the (free) gift of grace that covers my short comings, I beat myself up for even needing it in the first place.
Kind of ridiculous, right?
As we are settling into our new lives here in Charleston, I am finding myself in need of a lot of grace. Selfishness, pride, arrogance can quickly change me from an encourager and servant, to a mean Momma who pitches fits like a two year old.
I'm so thankful for my husband and children who love me on the good and bad days.
But even more, I am so thankful for a God who is faithful, and for Jesus who loves me because He is love. I am filled with hope and excitement because I believe with all my heart that God is doing something great here in our lives in Charleston. I have so much to learn and experience and give.
Comments
Thank you for sharing this today. You have no idea how much I think the Lord was speaking to me through your thoughts in this blog. Thank you for being honest and faithful to your family and to our sweet Lord.
Blessings,
Rose
Keri Morgan